how to fill up petrol

Roll up to the right bowser, switch off the engine, and pop the fuel flap—there’s a little arrow on your dash that tells you which side, so no three-point turns at the pump.

Pick the octane your handbook recommends, tap your card, grab the nozzle, and insert it fully; squeeze the handle gently like it’s a skittish wallaby.

When it clicks, that’s the tank saying “I’m full”; don’t top it off unless you enjoy eau de unleaded on your shoes.

Cap back on, flap shut, pay up, and bask in your triumph—bonus points for cleaning the windscreen so you can see your newfound smugness.